RECESSION PROOFING YOUR MARRIAGE
Recession Proofing Your Marriage
This may become known as the decade of “easy come and easy go.” We are a generation of “dot.com boomers” to “dot.com bummers”. Uncertainty surrounds our pocket books and therefore, our life decisions. From job loss, salary cutbacks, to fear of job loss, there seems to be no escape from the economic downturn. Whether you are nearing retirement age or just starting out, you may be experiencing the obliteration of your dreams. Shared dreams are the fabric of a healthy marriage and as they wither away, your feelings towards your partner can go with them.
Psychologists have long known that sex and money are at the root of a proportionately high amount of marital problems. Sex and money are both tied to power and influence in a relationship. During a recession the balance of power and influence can shift causing anxiety and turmoil in the relationship system. Job loss effects many aspects of a couple’s life, including shared space, division of labor, daily decisions, attraction to one another, and power dynamics. This can lead to high amounts of stress, conflict, marital discord and ultimately divorce.
Tips for Recession Proofing Your Marriage
- Do not blame your partner. He/she is not responsible for the economic conditions. Many Americans are impacted by financial loss at this time.
- Do not allow feelings of shame to let you avoid dealing with your situation.
- Understand that you and your partner are going through a loss and grief process. Under financial stress, couples can become polarized in their different positions and, like being stuck on the freeway, gridlock keeps couples from moving forward.
- Recognize the common feelings underneath the conflicts - stress, anxiety, frustration, depression. Although partners react to stress with different behaviors, some people over-function, others under-function, some prefer emotional distance while others prefer closeness, both partners usually have similar feelings. Share those feelings with one another.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate! Tell your truth about your fears, concerns or ideas.
- Brainstorm ways to cut costs together. Rather than going out for dinner, stay in and have sex, it’s free! This is a time to build the affection and intimacy in your marriage. Loss of material items may be disappointing, but loss of love and marriage can be devastating.
- Create new shared dreams about the future. Learn new skills, take a class, set new goals, plan for a relocation. Look to the future with faith rather than fear.
- Work together towards the “new normal” in your lives. Maintain a “we-opic” (what is in it for us) view of your marriage rather than a “me-opic” ("What is in it for me?"). Pull together as a team - in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad … stay committed to your relationship. “No matter what happens, we are in this together.”
- Celebrate your accomplishments!!
Still Suffering?
I Can Help!
If you find that you are unable to cope, suffer from depression or anxiety or have destructive conflicts in your marriage, seek out a professional. I can help and understand both personally and professionally how to support and guide you through this difficult loss process. Your marriage is a great investment.